Gen Y
Why me?
Having been born in 1980, I was always told I was a Gen Y. America’s youth born between the late 1970s and early 80s were always told in the 1990s that they were members of Generation Y. This was reinforced in the public schools and in the infancy stages of the information age. In the natural progression of demographics, Gen X were our immediate predecessors, therefore it’s only natural we become Gen Y. Why is this simply not the case anymore? Sometime in the mid-2000s the term millennial came to the forefront and lumped together a bunch of early 80s kids who have more of an affinity with the older generations. Most Gen-Yers were conceived during the Star Wars movies at the drive-in movie theater. Millennials are kids who grew up with the internet and Harry Potter, Gen Y had nothing to do with these cultural trends. The reference millennial is a whipping boy term for baby boomers can blame the younger generation for all the ills of society (that they created). Gen Y has become a lost sub-generation and I don’t know where to fit in anymore.
There are millions of my fellow cohorts born between 1977-1983. Not old enough to be a Gen-Xer, not young enough to be a millennial. Our micro-generation has been marginalized and we are no longer Gen-Y, we are Xennials. I’d like to pay a visit to the demographer’s convention that decided on this ridiculous name change and ask them, “Why the fuck did you get rid of Gen-Y?!? Why ask Y?
Gen Y are the children of the baby boomers who should be regarded as Gen W. Instead, they earned the clever nickname after their parents (Gen V) were the victors in WWII and went back home to buy appliances and make babies. One of Generation W’s only major contributions to the American experience was being born. They were born lucky at the right time in history at the dawn of a new American golden age and got to experience cool counter-cultural shifts in the 60s and 70s. They became the Me Generation in the 1970s and became degenerate yuppies in the 80s as they watched Miami Vice and consumed copious amounts of cocaine. During the haze of too many Gin and Tonics and yayo they birthed Gen Y during the decline of Disco. Nothing but respect to those baby boomers who went to Vietnam, but a lot of their peers turned into greedy assholes and became big babies. After profiting off of the deregulatory trends of the 80s and 90s the Baby Boomer’s gifts to generations X, Y, and Z were the Iraq War and the 2008 Depression. Fucking over future generations for they can buy a second vacation house in Barbados is more scandalous than the XYZ Affair. Shame on you Gen-Dubya.
At least “back in my day” we had good movies and good music. Both of those entertainment mediums have been on a downward trajectory the last 20 years. Growing up in the mid-80s we had cinematic classics such as The Goonies, Rambo II, Commando, and even Bloodsport. These uber-macho man films were over the top but at least carried a hint of masculinity in them. Beer commercials were classic where every time you cracked open an Old Milwaukee the Swedish Bikini Team would swoop in for a luau. The grunge and alternative music of the 90s was some of the best ever and I fondly remember seeing Pearl Jam several times. Gen-Y got to experience some bad ass culture. Nowadays you get to watch black Snow White and listen to diarrhea on the radio. The creative laziness and cultural rot have gotten so out of control, even Gen Z is looking back 30 years to when mass media was somewhat cool.
Gen-Y has become the latest lost generation in the American experience. Our childhoods were normal, but our young adulthoods were deferred thanks to the Baby Boomer Generation’s decadence and exploitation. As of now there’s not that many heroes that have emerged from our generation. Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and Jonathan Taylor Thomas were manufactured and not worth looking up to. There’s not a singular voice of a generation from our bunch. We are all the bastard children of the American pop culture complex and the now defunct MTV. Sometime soon we will be heard. We hope to follow in the footsteps of Gen X who are starting to dominate our political and cultural institutions. Having been mesmerized and hypnotized by the foundations of technocratic liberalism infused into Reality TV and social media, most Gen-Yers are starting to wake up and question why things are the way that they are. Things were much better in our youth during the 80s and 90s and we demand a return to sovereign and more prosperous times. I believe a great awakening is currently under way and the ending alphabet generations need to step up and take the reins away from our incompetent intuitional heads.
The cool thing about being in Generation Y is that we have one foot in the analog era and one foot in the digital era. Since we’re all now middle aged, we can relate to both the elder generation along with the younger. Thank God we didn’t grow up with the internet and were exposed to copious amounts of secondhand smoke while we were toddlers. This only toughened us up. Most of our childhoods weren’t dominated by helicopter parenting since this didn’t become a thing until the mid-90s. It’s the yuppie Gen X moms who turned the younger millennials and zoomers (Gen-Z) into a bunch of pussies by telling them that they’re special. It’s not Gen Z’s fault that their mom is a wino who wants to be their friend and their dad left their mom to marry an Asian woman 20 years his junior. Things have gotten so confusing for Gen Z that they’re even encouraged to cut their breasts and dicks off to be considered one of the cool kids. I’m so glad to be born Gen Y and don’t have to ask why our culture has gotten so goofy. As the saeculum shifts Bri-Guy is sure glad that he was born a Y-Guy.
Nostalgia is real and pretty much everybody in their early to mid-40s happen to recall a time in America when things were a bit simpler. You would have lock ins at the Y, dodging the unwelcome advances from Ronnie the janitor. Yamaha Electronics ruled the roost when you wanted to bump a Sir Mixalot album. Chromosomes were either XX or XY, gender fluidity wasn’t a thing. Drinking Yoo-hoo while exploring the internet with Yahoo was always a hoot. The Yankees were a dominant force in Major League Baseball and I’m not yanking your chain. The Clinton Administration decided to wag the dog by bombing the shit out of Serbia. With the American public asking why, it was more fundamentally acceptable than the current Operation Epstein Fury. YouTube wasn’t around and with Bud Dry dominating the domestic beer market, one would ask themselves why ask why? And whatever happened to the label of Gen-Y?
Us Gen Yers may be reaching the age of colonoscopies and sagging balls, but at least we’re not fucking millennials. We don’t take selfies of ourselves and don’t pretend that we are foodies. Our humor is dark and we really don’t do PC. Back in our day we played smear the queer and used the term retarded without a care in the world. We watched Saved by the Bell and didn’t know what a throuple was. The elders didn’t ask “why” enough and got caught up in the post 9/11 wars, financial crisis bailouts, and pandemic bullshit with Gen Y absorbing the brunt of their bad decisions. Gen Y are hackers not Gen X slackers.
As the saeculum turns and the alphabet generations end, let’s hope we aren’t at the end of history. As Gen Y starts assuming control of this nation’s institutions, we can only assume things will be better than the last 30 years of baby boomer bullshit. For Y will become the eye in the sky and vie for being the nation’s leadership and will certainly try to not make doves cry. Our microgeneration’s Catcher in the Rye moment was sabotaged by Yuppie greed, yet it will not defy us since we are do or die. Our pie in the sky destiny is taking shape as we attempt to root out this nation’s bad guys. Let Bri-Guy be your companion as the saeculum draws nigh, never sigh, follow Gen Y’s lead to you to a new American high. The lies of the past generation have been thigh high and only us Ys can lead the nation back to the days of good old fashioned American Pie. The time has come for the youngster generations to now pose the question: Why ask Y?
Brian Ss