Holding Politicians Accountable
The more he lies, the more he cries
Politicians. Lying liars who lie so much that they have to lie down at the end of the day to lie so more. Never before in American history do our legislators get away with purposefully misleading the public and putting up walls around transparency. These whores no longer represent the people in their districts; they perpetuate lies to scandalously disguise who their true masters are on K Street. By strategically framing and spinning articulated words, to maintain vagueness on their policy positions, they continuously masquerade their bullshit talking points as half-truths. The political system itself incentivizes and rewards lying politicians in procuring pork barrel spending. Not to mention redirecting funds from the American piggy bank to federal contractors. Misleading the public on watershed events such as the Iraq War, the Snowden files, and the pandemic, America’s ruling classes and their puppets in the political establishment continuously lie their asses off to the American people. No wonder there is no trust with Washington anymore.
Lying itself is a sin and is the 9th commandment in Moses’ stone tablets. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor. But somehow American Congressmen and Senators get away with sinning all day every day. Whether in the chambers of Congress, or being interviewed on Fox News, these truth-benders get up on stage and engage in a public spectacle of fabrications. They have sold their souls to their political party, are mouthpieces for their partisan beliefs, and continuously perpetuate the myths with their goddamn lies. The 24-hour news cycle does a good job of manipulating information that’s spouted out by these so-called leaders to usher in whatever hidden agenda is the objective at the moment. Between politicians, the corporate media, and whatever special interest needs to be funded at the moment, an axis of lies is being represented with its very foundation built upon distorting the truth. Our information space nowadays is filled with so much mis- and disinformation it’s a matrix of lies. We the people deserve better and must hold these no class ass monkeys accountable.
But how do we do this? Fact checkers and journalists that speak truth to power are few and far between anymore. Most of these types are on the payroll of sinister billionaires. Will near term technology be able to decipher a liar’s facial expressions and be able to call them out on their bullshit in real time? Would fining compulsive liars in government make a difference? Would upending the system itself and changing the selfish incentives make inroads into cutting down the lies of our political representation? These proposals may sound good on paper, but I doubt they’ll ever happen. My solution is to have these nit wits go on an episode of Maury, take a lie detector test, and have the results read to a live studio audience. Once these ass bags get exposed as the liars that they truly are, being booed by 200 people in real time, perhaps they’ll change their tune and be shamed into seeking the truth.
You remember Maury Povich, don’t you? Connie Chung’s husband who hosted a sleazy talk show in the 90s and 2000s. The Maury Show was cultural trash but entertaining at times. He only really had 4 recurring episodes: Out of control teens, paternity tests revealed, lifestyle confrontations, and lie detector tests revealed on stage. Making a spectacle of themselves, his outlandish guests would walk on stage, cuss at the audience, and then be interviewed by Maury himself. Simple formula, which usually led to guest humiliation and ultimately better outcomes. If we truly want to hold our elected officials’ feet to the fire, we must demand they make a monthly appearance on Maury.
“Here we have Lyin’ Ted Cruz, come on down.” Met with boos from a restless crowd, Senator Ted Cruz (R) Texas makes his presence known by saying, “Fuck you, you don’t know me, fuck you, fuck yourself.” “Have a seat Ted,” Maury says directing the irate Senator to a seat on stage. “You say you’re not a liar, but everyone in America says otherwise. Heck your nickname anointed to you by President Trump is Lyin’ Ted. How do you respond?” “Well Maurice, as you know, I’m a freedom fighter for the American people,” Ted says in his classic sinister tone. “From repealing Obamacare to taking to going on vacation during crisis situations in Texas, I’ve been a straight shooter with the good people of Texas and America.” “You lie Ted,” an irate audience member cries out. “Well Ted, we have the results from the polygraph test that you took earlier this morning. Let’s have a look,” Maury says reading from his index cards. “On the question if you have ever taken any illegal campaign contributions from Nigerian princes, you said no, according to the results of the lie detector test, that was a lie.” “Boooooooooo,” the crowd says erupting in collective disgust. “Fuck you, you don’t know me, fuck you,” Ted says responding in kind. “On the matter of having passports from both Canada and Cuba, you said no, that was a lie.” “Boooooooooooo.” Standing on stage Lyin’ Ted gives the double bird to the audience saying, “Fuck yourselves, you don’t know me!” “And on the matter of your wife, Heidi. You were asked if you thought she was a bit mannish looking. You said no, that was a lie.” “Booooooooooo.” “Well, well, Lyin’ Ted, what do you have to say for yourself?”
Another episode, another lying scum fuck politician. Since there are hardly any ethics inquiries or censuring of these lying liars, only Maury’s format can deliver us from this outlandish corruption in our political system. “Our next guest is Lil Lyin’ Lindsey Graham,” Maury says introducing the Senator (R) from South Carolina. “Now you’ve been in politics for 30 years and your critics have called you a good for nothing goddamn liar.” “Well Maury, politics can get a bit messy sometimes, and my most sacred duty is to protect the American people, as well as helping out our friends in Israel,” Senator Graham responds. “Well, we have the results back from this morning’s lie detector test, would you all like to hear them,” Maury says with the crowd’s overwhelming approval.” “On the matter of being asked if you’ve ever performed a lewd act known as the Rusty Trombone on a Lockheed Martin lobbyist for campaign contributions, you said no, that was a lie.!” "“Boooooooooooooooo,” the crowd hollers as some irate members stand up. “Ah fuck yaselves,” Lil Lyin’ Lindsey says in his South Carolina Drawl. “On the matter of giving Sheldon Adelson a lap dance at one of his casinos while he was still alive, you said no, that was a lie!” “Booooooooooooo!” “Ah fuck yaselves,” Lindsey says as expletives are bleeped out. “And on the matter of the paternity test from your alleged relationship with Sydney Sweeney, it turns out, you are the father!” “Now ya see Maury, I told you so. Let it be known that deep down Lil Lindsey is really a down to earth poon hound.”
“Next up we have Nancy Pelosi,” Maury says pivoting to the next guest. “Madame Speaker packed the gavel for decades and some experts have nicknamed her the most corrupt politician of all time. She’s not without controversy and will finally relinquish power next year when she’s in her late 80s. Now Nancy some people have accused you of being a liar’s liar. Your congressional office is nothing but a liar’s lair built on layers of lies, how do you live with yourself?” “Well first off, fuck you Maury, and fuck all you audience members,” Nancy says sounding off with arrogance. “Boooooooooo,” the crowd hisses in contempt. “My track record speaks for itself by passing the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act and impeaching Donald Trump.” “Well Nancy, we have the results back from your lie detector test you took backstage moments ago. Would you all like to hear them?” “Yeeeeeaaaaaah, fuck yeaaaaaaaaah,” the crowd says with glee.” “On the question of insider trading, have you ever passed classified knowledge to your husband Paul to make stock trades on your behalf, you said no, that was lie!” “Booooooooooooooo!” “Ah fuck you, fuck you, fuck yourself, you don’t know me bitch,” Nancy says talking back to the hostile crowd.” “On the matter of COVID compliance, you said you wore a mask at all times. Your salon trip obviously indicated that you didn’t. Despite the draconian restrictions placed in California, you said that you never went out to any 5 Star restaurants with your boy toy Gavin Newsome. Once again, that was a lie!” “Boooooooooooooo!” “Fuck you Maury, you don’t know shit,” Crazy Nancy says trying to defend herself. “In regard to the rumor, that you can’t wait to sell your entire Bay Area district to the CCP, you said yes, that came up as true!” “Boooooooooooooooooooo!” “You got me Maury,” Nancy says through her soulless eyes.
Who’s with me on being sick and tired of the liar’s convention that convenes in Washington D.C. every time Congress is in session. Their lies represent a breakdown in the social contract and show a complete disdain for the people they’re supposed to represent. Washington’s deceptions kill hundreds of thousands of people around the globe every year and tens of thousands here in the Republic. They are lies straight from the pit of hell, and these sleaze dicks need to start facing harsh punishments for their construct of lies. Every untruth told on the floors of Congress or on television should be met with stiff fines. When these “leaders” lies are used to enrich themselves and their cronies, they need to serve long prison sentences. Traditional journalism institutions no longer serve as a watchdog to this bad behavior, they enable it and cover it up. Exposing and shaming them in the public arena sometimes works, but more needs to be done. Perhaps with upcoming tech developments on the horizon these liar, liar pants on fire types will have their feet held to the fire. But in the meanwhile, we’ll have to rely on Maury and his lie detector episodes to maintain political transparency. With our great nation celebrating its semi quincentennial this summer, politicians are now more despicable than ever. Only Maury and his polygraph machine can save the republic from these fucking liars!!!
“On the matter of fathering a child with a black prostitute, the DNA results state that Bill, you are the father!”
Brian Ss