Love making routines and rituals. The timeless art of seduction depends on it. Every man walking this earth has a series of quirks to seduce a lady and manifest his mojo. Cues such as romantic cooking, pleasant smells, and nice background music are ways to set the mood, paving the way for passionate love making. Music is said to be the ultimate enhancer before and especially during a sesh of hanky panky. Black crooners such as Marvin Gaye and Barry White help the ladies loosen up and surrender to the whims of her man. A sexual soundtrack is a must before you do the deed, but I find having a genre of music during the act is more important.
A musical melody during the physical act of love helps set the rhythm for passionate thrusting and grinding of naughty parts. You and your partner must be in sync for a memorable bout of whoopee. If not, the act of passion can go sideways and turn into a bunch of flailing limbs. A singer’s voice or the instrumental beat of a song helps motivate both lovers to be on the same page when they become one flesh. R&B and soul singers have always been the go-to performing artists during the act of sexual congress, but some people like alternative musicians. For the longest time my background noise was always Limp Bizkit. The new metal ambience where rap lyrics are combined with heavy metal always motivated my libido. Songs such as Nookie and Rollin’ were always perfect for pelvic thrusting. 2 Live Crew with their Miami beats always filled the room with sexual excitement. Hoochie Mama and Pop That Coochie always provided motivation when love was in the air. When it comes to a sexual soundtrack, it’s always different strokes for different folks.
Now that I am a bit older and more mature, my musical tastes have shifted when I’m getting it on with a mama. No longer do I rely on the music of my youth from the late 90s to early 2000s. I have outgrown that considerably. Nowadays my background music when I’m fulfilling my sexual desires is more cultured and international. Viking war drums is what is on my Bose sound system during sexy time. The ominous music orchestrated by a war party of Norseman is how I get it on and on until the break of dawn.
After a night on the town, indulging on Italian food and fine red wine, I was becoming hornier than a 5 point buck. My conversation was interesting and my jokes were laughable. I had earned a shot at intercourse. Making my way back to my downtown condo, the touching and nibbling on my ear made it to DEFCON 5. Changing into my cheetah skin thong and Apollo Creed replica silk robe, I turned down the lights and lit a vanilla scented candle to set the mood. Since the object of my affection was a black woman she instantly requested some Bobby Womack to flood the apartment with sensuous sounds. Putting the smack down on that idea, I opted to go with some Drums of Drakkar. This berserker war music is how I envision Nordic marauders psyching themselves up as they launch an amphibious invasion off the North Sea coast. With the war drums beating, and getting it on with my date, I envision my inner Viking slaying a man with a battle axe and enslaving his village. With every passionate cry emulating from the bedroom, the sounds of Thor using his hammer to create thunder can be heard from a distance.
Things have been going well since I struck up a conversation with a woman named Valerie. Flirting with her at work, her being a DMV office worker, we decided to take things to the next level by going out on a date to Cracker Barrel. With the chicken fried steak serving as an aphrodisiac, Val invites me to her place for an opportunity to seal the deal. Heading to her double wide in Little Rock, Arkansas she teases me with her Confederate Flag bra and panties. Putting on Lynyrd Skynrd in the background, for her 14-year-old son can’t hear the passion from the next room, she is content with some Southern Rock to get it on to. Shaking my head with disapproval, I whip out my iPhone and turn on some intense Nordic music for battle and glory. After foreplay we immediately settle into the Volfgang Twins banging the drums to summon the wolf and moon spirits. After several pulsating minutes of bumping uglies, it’s as if Odin came down from Valhalla to watch this incredible episode of sex and war. With the rhythms from the north getting all the more intense, we both climax from the sound of the dynamic drumming. Wanting to keep it classy, we both go out to Denny’s at one in the morning for some french fries served with a side of ranch.
After a successful first date with a girl I met on Tinder, we had a lovely time with dinner and a movie. Believing my bullshit and my self-proclaimed knowledge of Viking mythology, I talked my way into getting physical. Signaling her intentions to me, I subliminally interpret this as an alibi to blare my new Einherjar album. This Icelandic heavy metal group combines electric guitar with the war drums of their ancestors. With the heavy chanting transporting me to the Forest of Danheim, the tree ferries watch me heaving as my inner Viking goes to war. The volcanoes spew their lava and the Fjordlands ice over as the passion takes over. I can feel the Norse god Loki’s presence in the room as if he’s a cuck sitting in a recliner. With the battle hymns getting more intense I feel like I have conquered another land and sacrificed Helga the Virgin to appease Hel. With the drumbeat fading I am satisfied that once again I am in the pantheon of gods and have made peace with my mortal enemy AEsir.
Traveling in Kobenhavn, Denmark I hook up with a girl who goes by the name Erika Tha Red. A direct descendant of Erik the Red, this ginger will get wild in the sack if we only play Reykajvik’s Sword of Surtr as they jam out to their album Barbarian Blood of Jormungandr. Banging out such hits as Feral Heart, Spirit Bear, and Midnight Son gets Erika all revved up since it is on the tops of her list on her sexuality soundtrack. Even as sexual dysfunction takes hold since I drank one too many Carlsbergs, Erika keeps grinding the night away as she gives a holla while entering Valhalla. The playlist favorites Burial Mound, Eye of Odin, and the Hammer of Ragnarok keep Erika alive and satisfied despite the fact that I experienced erectile irregularities. In a post-coital embrace, we decide to watch the Minnesota Vikings showcase their spirited male cheerleaders.
Now that I am in a steady relationship it’s always interesting to experiment in the bedroom. It’s not that we do any role playing or do anything unconventional, I like to explore the possibilitees of how Viking war drum music gets me ready for battle. Before the banging proceeds I must satisfy my drum banging needs. As the wooden sticks smack the canvas it awakens my long lost Scandanavian DNA. With Vioarr’s Vengeance sounding off in the background, I feel like a warrior sailing through the fog on a snekkja preparing to make a landing in the Baltic Sea. Making a spiritual connection with my lover I can feel the union of Skoll and Hati as Svartalfar watches from a distance. Riding the Níðhöggr to our destiny with ecstasy I raise an imaginary sword to slay the Jörmungandr. With Valkerie of the Vanir approving of my methods, she annoints me as a Einherjar and my legend will forever be known in the Heimskringla. My consecration of love making and my blót, raises the awareness of Fylgja as I push onwards towards Bifröst. Finishing myself off I have become rooted in Yggdrasil.
If you want to set the mood for sexy time may I highly suggest going down to your local Hastings and hording the Viking war drum CDs. The frequencies generated from ancient drum beats will make the ladies scream and cream as if they were getting a reach around from Skald the Jarl. Barry White may be known as the godfather of lovemaking music but I assure you the WOLFSBRUNNEN Twins will bang the drums louder than you could ever bang that special someone.
Brian Ss