The Ultimate Two For Tuesday
No U2 on Taco Tuesdays
Two for Tuesday. A weekly broadcast tradition where the DJ plays back-to-back songs from the same artist. The listeners can be either confused or convinced that they’re playing a whole hour of Pink Floyd when in actuality, they’re only playing two classical tracks from a timeless band. It’s like a BOGO for radio enthusiasts where you get 2 for 1 and the nostalgia takes you back to a better time in the 70s, 80s, and 90s. Back to when you were younger, things were simpler, and music didn’t suck like it does nowadays. Though a gimmick that’s been around for decades, Two for Tuesday will bring a ray of sunshine to your afternoon commute home from work. After neglecting important emails for days and getting reprimanded by your boss, back-to-back songs by Black Sabbath will put your mind at ease on the long drive home.
Taking shape in the days of classic rock in the 70s and 80s DJs experimented with the Two for Tuesday format to maintain a multi-track theme, feature specific artists, and to keep listeners tuned in. Traditionally, Tuesdays were slower broadcast days, and it was easier to sell radio advertising with recurring song artists. Not to mention Two for Tuesday is a catchy ass rhyming scheme with some basic alliteration. Over the years the designated day has evolved but classic rock still seems to be the major genre. Pop stations will blare Taylor Swift for back-to-back songs, but that trend can’t hold a candle to playing consecutive classic songs by the Rolling Stones. By keeping the audience engaged it prevents the listener from changing the dial. Just the other Tuesday I was driving in the afternoon with the rock gods Creed coming on to my frequency. Playing Higher followed immediately with One Last Breath I felt like I was on Cloud 9. Listening to one song by these musical geniuses was amazing but after two consecutive songs I felt that I could take on the world.
Two for Tuesdays are great, but I feel they could be a little more creative. Don’t get me wrong, I love listening to successive songs by Def Leppard, but sometimes feel this format is overplayed. The old B2B from new bands like the Jonas Brothers won’t do it for me anymore either. A whole different genre needs to be adapted and placed on daytime radio to shake things up a bit. Somebody like a Slayer needs to be inserted hourly to shake commuters out of their mundane existence. Let’s say you were heading out to lunch on an any ordinary Tuesday with Angel of Death and Raining Blood coming on, that’d be a terrific Tuesday to remember. But I feel the major radio stations need to head in a more drastic direction and play some consecutive gangsta rap songs, primarily from artists with explicit lyrics. Dre, Snoop, Ice-T, would be good suggestions but it’s not quite nasty enough for my liking. Only a 90s era rap group whose nasty lyrics got them involved into a Supreme Court case would be a qualifier for quality daytime programming. 2 Live Crew fits that bill and they nasty as they wanna be.
During their heyday in the 80s and 90s, this Miami based hip hop group pushed the boundaries of explicit lyrics and even the first amendment. Founded by Uncle Luke along with Mr. Mixxx and Fresh Kid Ice, this bass heavy rap group wrote and performed the most sexually explicit lyrics ever recorded. Known for such hit songs such as Hoochie Mama, Me So Horny, and We Want Some Pussy, the boyz of 2 Live Crew were infamous for their South Florida party anthems. They were even brought up on obscenity charges for their album As Nasty as They Wanna Be. Group members were arrested for its live performance and even music store owners getting arrested for the sale of the controversial record. With a court eventually ruling in their favor, 2 Live Crew became nationally famous. Performing a song called Banned in the USA solidified the group as provocateurs as they continued to spout out those nasty ass lyrics. Now 30 years after the fact, their songs are technically classic and should be played consistently on every Two for Tuesday.
If I were a DJ, my go to tandem would be Face Down Ass Up followed by Pop That Pussy. These quality songs have sick beats and let the artist unleash their creativity with their quality lyrics. This will provide the young professional listening with a 10-minute sample of quality music. With Face Down Ass Up, you say “Pussy ain’t nuttin’ but meat on the bone, suck it fuck it or leave it alone!” Any guy or gal out there, whether listening in the car or office, can take these amazing song lyrics to heart to amplify their Tuesday. Or let’s say a soccer mom is on her way to pick up the kids at practice on a Tuesday evening. She’s in that 2 Live Crew for Tuesday mood when she starts singing along to Pop That Pussy singing, “Bend over backwards and make me shout, and work that pussy, in and out.” This would now be the gold standard for every Two for Tuesday featuring 2 Live Crew. Singing along, millions upon millions of listeners would rediscover the musical genius of Two Live Crew as they say aloud, “Rub that ass and play with the clit, you know I like that freaky shit.”
Another day, another tooty Tuesday. Leaving work to drive to hockey practice you need some audio stimulation to pump you up. The consecutive songs of Iron Maiden were a good start, but you need something harder and nastier. 2Pac’s iconic songs and classic lyrics simply won’t suffice, you need something much more refined for this Two for Tuesday. With DJ Weez deciding to go with some 2 Live Crew, you’ll be turning this mutha out in no time. Starting with Me So Horny the twofer then switches it up to Hoochie Mama. Sampling sound bites from Full Metal Jacket, Me So Horny may very well be the Crew’s most famous song. Kitchy lyrics such as “Sittin’ at home with my dick on hard, so I got the black book for a freak to call,” will go down in rap history as the freshest and most original rhymes. The kind that gets you all hot and bothered to slap the puck extra hard. If that’s not enough, you then get to hear Hoochie Mama, which will inject some serious flavor into your ear. Drawing inspiration from “The bitch is full of drama, hoochie hood rat is a hoe like her momma,” will have you extra motivated for your sesh at the ice-skating rink on this Tuesday evening. You’ll be twofold better.
With Grandma on her way to play Marjan, she needs some background noise in her vehicle as she drives over to Mildred’s place. Grandma Agnes is retired and fills her days with baking cookies and attending daytime get-togethers with her homegirls. Classic crooners such as Neil Diamond and Tom Jones don’t do it for her anymore; she prefers something nasty as she drives around the retirement community circuit in S. Florida. Dirty Nursery Rhymes and My 7 Bizzos is what gets Agnes’s head bopping as she makes her way over to dominate some bitchez in Marjan. Cranking some of that “Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall, cause a hoe on the ave. was sucking his balls” fills Grandma’s heart with gratitude on this beautiful Tuesday afternoon. Still craving some of that ol’ nasty from Uncle Luke, the DJ then turns out another classic hit. Singing “On Saturday there's Susie, who likes my jacuzzi, she steps in naked with her bare-ass booty,” got GMa Agnes ready to whoop that ass at the Marjan Hall. Lady A lives by the creed, one 2 Live Crew song is great, but 2 on Tuesday is twice as nice.
The trend of blaring 2 Live Crew songs every Tuesday is seeing significant market expansion and is becoming a nationwide phenomenon. Middle aged Gen Xers are reminded of their teenage nostalgic years when they were prancing around in booty shorts at go-go parties in South Beach. Secretary of State Marco Rubio has stated this was his watershed moment in his young adulthood when he was dancing and prancing in short shorts. Motivating him to become a U.S. Senator from Florida, Lil Marco got his start as a 2 Live Crew Dancer. It’s even catching on with the young people. Gen Zers are sick and tired of bubblegum rap and yearn for the nastiest of nasty lyrics from a better era. Singing “You can tell her daddy, but no one can save her, she does what she wants with her freaky behavior,” are fun filled wholesome family lyrics that everyone can get behind. The kids don’t want to hear from fucking Katie Perry for the umpteenth time on a Tuesday. Her more well-known songs like Hot n Cold and I Kissed a Girl suck harder than any fictitious character from a 2 Live Crew Song. Sure, Crazy Train and Mama I’m Coming Home from the Ozzman are iconic, but the young folk want to be transported back to the early 90s when 2 Live Crew’s nasty ass songs pushed the boundaries of obscenity laws.
Two For Tuesday ain’t going nowhere, so all DJS around the country from KROQ to local affiliates need to keep going and blasty that nasty. Uncle Luke is a nasty guy, but his songwriting skills belong in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. The beats are freaky and make you wanna freak yo baby mamma on any given Tuesday. Whether in the office or when you're out and about in your automobile, make sure to be blaring that bass. With such family values songs like The Fuck Shop and Let Me Tickly Your Fancy, 2 Live Crew delivers beats so sick they smack harder than a 2x4. They ain’t gold records they two pence tracks for that ass that’ll be up and at em on any Tuesday of the year. The next time radio DJs advertise for a call-in for song requests, do the listening community a favor and demand a double dose of 2 Live Crew. 2 Live Crew, they be dropping the bomb and shaking that ass on any given Two for Tuesday in the deuce-six!
Brian Ss